What I Learned from 2020

So, I see these types of posts around this time of year usually. This year is different though. 2020 has challenged all of us more so than previous years have. From covid to the election this year has really taken us all to our wit’s end. For me I think it has been good for me though. I honestly don’t think I would have learned these lessons if not for the events that took place this year.

  • Sometimes hard work doesn’t equal success and that is ok.

This one can be kind of subjective and interested differently based on what one’s idea of success is but take it how you will. I was so hard on myself after graduating because I did not achieve what I thought of as success, a good job and being independent in my own place with friends. I thought that not achieving these things was a reflection of my lack of ability or intelligence. By seeing so many stories on social media of other graduates both pre and during covid who also did not yet achieve those things I felt less alone.

My therapist also helped me learn that even if you get what you want or even think you need it won’t solve all of your problems. You need to be able to be strong without the goal you are working towards. If not you will attach yourself to it too much. Do I still want to work towards being more independent and having a good career? Of course, but it will happen when it should happen.

  • Your mental health is more important than any grade, promotion, or relationship.

There have been many times in my past when I put work and school ahead of my well being. I felt that the situation was not making happy so if I could just plug through then everything would be ok. Long story short, that didn’t really have good results for me and how I felt. If I am being honest I don’t know how I will handle balancing self care with something as time consuming as graduate school or a full time job in addition to my side hustles like this blog, my YouTube channel and sponsored posts on Instagram. I will try to just focus on what I am dealing with in the moment and handle it when the time comes.

  • Growth is not always linear but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work towards it.

Being alone and yourself with no one is better than pretending to be someone your not around lots of people.

I used to fear being alone so much. I would go into the dining hall in college frantically looking for a friend to sit with because I didn’t want it to look like I did not have friends. During this time, I have essentially been forced to spend time by myself and I found that I honestly really enjoy it. I like being with people but watching anime with a cup of tea in cozy clothes is such a soothing experience as well. It was like I slowly approached what looked lik a huge monster but it was really a cute little bunny that I now love cuddling. It was not so scary once I actually did it.

  • Accepting yourself often takes a while but it’s still worth putting effort into.

I honestly don’t think that I would have learned to embrace so many things I have been interested in for years. I realized that the version of myself that I have presented to the world has not been the real version of myself. I thought that if I showed the real version of myself to the world that no one would want to be around me or be my friend. Even though I have met some lovely people online who proved that idea wrong, I do go back into that mindset of thinking I have to hide who I am to keep friends or a job. Fighting against what I am used to thinking is not always easy but I do think it is worth it because of the good moments I have had where I am myself.

So while I could list more things these are the main lessons I learned this year. They were not easy to learn but worth it. Tell me , what you learned in the comments below if you would like.

My Goals For 2017

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Hello everyone! Long time no blog! I seriously could not be more excited about this year and all it will bring! I’ve been thinking a lot about goals and what I want to accomplish in 2017. While I don’t think resolutions are for everyone, I do think it is always good to set goals for the new year and strive to improve yourself through those goals.

  1. Read at least 1 book a month. – When I was younger, I used to read all the time! Junie B Jones, The Magic Tree House, you name it, I read it! As I got into my high school years I got busy with school. Since I read so much for my classes, I found myself wanting to do other things in my spare time. I got more into things like YouTube and keeping up with my favorite television series. Now, there certainly isn’t anything wrong with watching television or YouTube videos. What I really want to strive for is a balance between these interests. I know that love for reading is still there! While I did read a few books in 2016 I really want to bring that number up in 2017. I thought having myself read at least a book a month would give me just enough encouragement without putting pressure on myself.
  2. Take better care of myself. – 2016 was a very rough year for me as far as my mental health went. I realized that there were many times when I was so focused on work and my grades that I didn’t even take time for myself. I then became very anxious and honestly just didn’t feel like myself. Now, I want to make sure I focus on myself before anything else.
  3. Focus more on my relationship with God.- I’m gonna be honest with y’all. In 2016, I barely went to church. Part of me wasn’t going because of my struggle with feeling torn between my faith and my relationship with the LGBT community. Another part of me wasn’t going because sleeping in on my days off from work feels really freaking good. I want to make sure that I get in the habit of not just going to church but also studying the Bible and just making God a bigger part of my life.
  4. Get better with money. – In 2016, I started working at my first job. I work at a movie theatre about 3 days a week. It’s not the most glamorous job in the world but it pays and the people I work with are really nice. With this newfound biweekly paycheck of mine, I developed a bit of an online shopping problem. This year I want to save more money, while also treating myself from time to time.
  5. Post at least 2 blogposts and 2 YouTube videos a month. – I really hope to get back into making YouTube videos this year. It is something I enjoy but because of how time consuming it is I tend to have a hard time getting the videos done.I am going to really strive to post at least 2 post and videos each month. I also want the content I make to really reflect myself and my style. I often see a lot of the same thing on YouTube so I really want to try and be unique while also being me.
  6. Make new friends. – While I love my alone time and hanging out with my family I really miss having a consistent social life and This spring is my last semester at my community college. I am taking online classes so school won’t be giving me a whole lot of social opportunities. Most of my friends are made from my job at the movie theatre and since I only work a few days a week I don’t see those people that often. So this year I really want to step outside of my comfort zone to put myself in situations where I can make more friends. I also want to try and spend more time with the friends I have made at my job.
  7. Learn a little bit each and every day. – Finally, I want to go out of my way to learn about something that interests me outside of school. I can do this by watching a documentary on Netflix, reading a book, or even going to a museum. In this day age, it is so easy to just go through our day, take in the media that is shoved in our faces, and do it all over again the next day. So it is more important than ever to make sure we know how to think independently and learn constantly.